A College Student’s Sexual Assault Survival Guide: Everything I Wish I Knew

By Anonymous

One of our interns bravely shares her anonymous story of being raped on the very college campus where she once felt safe and at home. At bespoke, she learned how to be the hero of her story.

My Story

When it happened, I didn’t know what to call it.

I felt violated, disturbed, confused—but I didn’t know I had been raped. That realization came later. That’s the part people don’t talk about enough: the numbness, the denial, the days or weeks it might take you to come to terms with what happened. 

Even now, I find myself softening the language I use to describe what happened to me—calling it an “assault,” or saying that I was “taken advantage of.” It's far more difficult to call it what it truly was: sexual abuse and rape.

Because who would ever want to say, out loud, that they were violated in the most personal, intimate, and dehumanizing way imaginable?

Who wants to admit that they trusted someone—a friend—after a college party, only to freeze when their clothes were torn off? That their shirt was ripped, their face struck repeatedly, their body hit with a belt? Who wants to say that someone forced unsanitary sex toys against their body without consent, leading to a urinary tract infection the following week? That they were flipped over, their hair pulled, and penetrated without protection—without permission?

And worse: to admit that they froze. That they didn’t scream, didn’t run, didn’t fight back. To confess that their body shut down while their mind tried to dissociate from the violence. To live with the shame of stillness, of silence.

It’s far easier to say, “I was taken advantage of,” than to face the brutal truth: I naively went home with someone I trusted, and became the victim of sexual violence.

And perhaps the most soul-crushing part of all is the belief that I did nothing. That I didn’t resist. That I lay there, paralyzed, mute—like a shell of myself. Like a passive, compliant object rather than a human being whose boundaries were obliterated.

But freezing is not consent. Silence is not agreement. Stillness is not permission. It was survival.

Why do women sugar-coat violence—even to themselves?

Because, more often than not, the person who hurt them wasn’t a stranger —it was someone they trusted. A friend. A partner. A classmate. And calling it what it really was means acknowledging a devastating betrayal.

The world often tells us that rape only “counts” if it happens in a dark alley at the hands of a stranger. But that narrative is dangerously misleading.

The truth is, most survivors know their abuser. Often, it’s not a stranger, but a friend, a partner, a classmate, a spouse, even a family member.

Abusers frequently manipulate and gaslight, making you question your reality, your memory, even your own sense of reality – until you're not sure what really happened or whether you’re allowed to name it. 

Trauma further clouds memory, causing your brain to disassociate or minimize the experience in order to protect you. And so, many survivors hesitate to use words like “rape” or “abuse,” even when that's exactly what it was.

But rape by someone you trust is still rape. And it can be even more psychologically damaging—because it shatters not just your body, but your sense of safety, intimacy, and self.

In the Immediate Aftermath…

1. If You Think You May Have Been Raped:

• Do not shower or change clothes. As impossible as this sounds, avoid washing your body or changing your clothes. Critical evidence like semen, saliva, skin cells, or fibers may be lost.

• Do not throw out your clothes. Place what you were wearing (including underwear) in a clean paper bag or plastic bag and store it somewhere safe. This could serve as forensic evidence.

• Go to a hospital or urgent care that provides Sexual Assault Forensic Exams (SAFE)—commonly known as rape kits. Ideally, go within 72 hours, but kits can sometimes still be useful up to 5 days after the assault.

• Ask for a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE). These nurses are trained to handle trauma cases with compassion and can collect evidence sensitively.

In my case, I threw away the ripped shirt—something I now regret. I was trying to erase the memory. I only had a photo to show the police. That destroyed evidence likely weakened my case. Save everything that can be used to support you legally. 

2. Write Down Everything

• As soon as you’re able, write down everything you remember in a safe space. Time, place, words said, physical sensations, smells, surroundings.

• Trauma fragments memory—what feels vivid today may fade or shift tomorrow. Keeping a written or voice-recorded account can help preserve your truth for police reports, legal action, or therapy.

Trauma literally reshapes the brain—especially the hippocampus, which governs memory. Survivors often forget or misremember parts of the event due to trauma-related dissociation (source: National Institute of Mental Health).  

3. Tell Someone You Trust

• You don’t have to carry this alone.

• Tell a trusted adult, friend, mentor, therapist, or family member.

• It may be easier to tell someone emotionally removed—like a counselor or police officer. But trusted adults can advocate for you and help you make informed decisions.

I didn’t tell my parents until two weeks later. The shame and taboo were overwhelming. But I wish I had said something sooner, so they could have supported me more fully and helped me navigate the process.

Section 3: Before Reporting

• You are not required to report to the police, but it is your right to do so.

• Consider speaking to a confidential advocate first—most college campuses and local crisis centers have someone who can walk you through your options without triggering a report.

• Weigh the emotional and legal implications. Reporting can be validating, but it can also be re-traumatizing. You are not “less brave” if you choose not to report.

Helpful Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Am I emotionally ready to speak about what happened?

• Do I have support (legal, emotional, medical)?

• Do I want to pursue legal consequences?

• Am I doing this for me—not out of guilt or pressure?

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offers confidential support 24/7 at 1-800-656-HOPE or online.rainn.org

Being raped is traumatic enough, trusting adults to protect you (police, lawyers, etc.) and then being let down is traumatic in a new way. 

Section 4: Throughout the Process

Mental & Physical Health

• Seek therapy from trauma-informed professionals.

• PTSD, insomnia, flashbacks, and anxiety are common. This doesn’t mean you’re “broken”—it means your brain is doing what it can to survive.

• Consider seeing a doctor to screen for STIs or pregnancy.

Support System

• Lean on trusted friends, roommates, or loved ones. Tell them what you need: a place to stay, someone to hold your hand, or just a quiet listener.

• Set boundaries with people who don’t understand or say the wrong thing.

For months, I couldn’t sleep. I would wake from nightmares reliving the assault, feeling his weight, hearing his voice. Sometimes I had to crawl into bed with my roommate, just to feel safe again. There’s no shame in needing comfort.

Section 5: How to Support a Survivor

If Someone Confides in You:

1. Believe them. The most powerful thing you can say is: “I believe you. I’m here for you.”

2. Don’t pressure them to report or take any action. Offer support—not direction.

3. Empower them: “Would you like me to sit with you while you call a hotline?” “Do you want me to help find a clinic?”

4. I was incredibly fortunate to have friends who stood by me through every step of the aftermath. They accompanied me to the hospital for the rape kit, sat beside me at the police station when I reported the assault, and supported me through countless meetings with detectives as the investigation unfolded. Having a support system that believed me, held me as I cried and grieved, and empowered me to speak my truth—even when my voice shook—made all the difference.

5. Don’t ask invasive questions like “What were you wearing?” or “Why didn’t you fight back?”

6. Stay calm. Your reaction can impact how they see themselves. Avoid expressions of horror, rage, or judgment.

7. Encourage professional help, but respect their pace.

   
   
   
   

Statistics & Sources:

• 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men in the U.S. are survivors of attempted or completed rape (RAINN).

• 8 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone known to the survivor.

• Only 25% of rapes are reported to police.

• Most rapes do not involve physical force, and “freezing” is a common trauma response (Journal of Interpersonal Violence).

You Are Not Alone

There is no “right” way to survive. There is no timeline for healing. There is no one path through the aftermath.

But you are not broken. You are not to blame. You are allowed to rage. To grieve. To feel nothing. To feel everything.

You survived. That is enough.