Can You Hear Me? What “Anorexia” and October 7 Teach Us About Words, Power, and Healing

In memory of Eden Zacharya

Whose light reminds us to keep speaking even when the world falls silent.

May her memory be a blessing and her voice remind us to listen, love, and act.

This October marks two years since October 7, a day that tore through our collective sense of safety and reminded us that silence and indifference can be as dangerous as hate. It is also a time when I return to the heart of my research, Dying to Be Heard, and to the women who taught me that words are never neutral. They can harm or heal, silence or save.

As someone who lived through wars in Israel and struggled with anorexia and bulimia for over ten years, I know what it means to live with both internal and external conflict. I know how fear, shame, and silence can become part of the body, and how identity can be shaped and wounded by the words used to describe us. I also know how those same words can begin to heal when they are spoken with care, truth, and understanding.

My own recovery and my work as a clinician have shown me that the wars within us and the wars around us are often born from the same place: the misuse of power, the loss of safety, and the struggle to hold on to identity when the world tries to define it for us.

In both my personal and professional life, I have witnessed how language can create wars, both internal and external. The same forces that shape hatred, control, and power on a global scale are the ones that silence individuals who are suffering. Whether it is the propaganda that fuels terror or the labels that define someone with “anorexia,” the root is the same: the misuse of words and power.

Lesson 1: Awareness: Words Are Never Neutral

The term “anorexia” was first introduced by physicians Richard Morton in 1689 and William Gull in 1873. Both described the illness through the lens of their time, which was patriarchal, moralistic, and focused on control rather than compassion. Gull even wrote that these women had perverted appetites and moral failing. Their voices were not heard. Their suffering was medicalized, pathologized, and stripped of meaning. It was never about food. It was about identity, power, and being silenced.

Much like the world that failed to listen before October 7, these women were trapped in a system built on authority and judgment. Research continues to show that people living with eating disorders often experience their diagnosis as a label rather than an invitation for understanding. A large 2022 study published in The Lancet Psychiatry found that individuals with long-term anorexia often internalize the language used by professionals, leading to shame, hopelessness, and self-blame instead of healing.

Words have power. When someone is told they are resistant or chronic, it shapes how they see themselves and how others treat them. The same is true in our larger world, where language can normalize hate or nurture compassion.

KARMA Reflection (Knowledge and Awareness): Become aware of your words. Notice the language you use when you speak to others and to yourself. Ask, “Does this word create fear, or does it create safety?” Awareness is the first step toward change.

Lesson 2: Acceptance: Power, Control, and the Danger of Silence

When I began my study, I found that the women who lived with the illness for over seven years shared the same deep desire to be heard and to feel safe. This became the first theme of my research: fighting to be heard.

They spoke of shame, stigma, and control through language, which became theme two, and how they were seen as noncompliant, chronic, or hopeless. These words did not heal. They built walls. Even when their bodies were starving, their minds were screaming to be seen as more than their diagnosis.

Research supports what these women described. A 2021 review from Frontiers in Psychology showed that when individuals are spoken to with judgmental or stigmatizing language, their recovery is delayed, while validation and emotional safety are the most significant predictors of progress.

The same mechanism that silences individuals in therapy is what silences people in societies ruled by fear or ideology. Terrorist organizations like Hamas thrive on control and silence, manipulating through words, images, and narratives that fuel division. Their weapons are not only physical but also informational, using language that spreads fear, hatred, and lies.

KARMA Reflection (Acceptance): Acceptance is not agreement. It is understanding. Accept that people, systems, and even words have power. When we accept that, we can start using our voices wisely instead of reacting with hate or fear.

Lesson 3: Releasing the Past: The Power of Language and the Danger of Misused Knowledge

When I studied philosophy, I often turned to ideas that explored what it means to be and to belong. I was drawn to theories about meaning and connection, but as I looked closer, I saw that some of the greatest thinkers who wrote about humanity also failed to live it. I chose to include these figures in my research not to honor them, but to reveal the hypocrisy that exists when words are separated from conscience.

It reminded me how easily language can be used to gain power, to control, or to justify harm. The same is true in medicine and psychiatry, where the term “anorexia” was created centuries ago by men who viewed women’s suffering through the lens of control rather than compassion. Their words reflected patriarchy, moral judgment, and misunderstanding. Instead of asking why these women were in pain, they labeled them as weak, vain, or morally flawed.

Modern feminist researchers, such as Susan Bordo and Hilde Bruch, later revealed how cultural ideals of purity, thinness, and control shaped both the language of anorexia and the lives of those who lived with it. Bordo called this “the politics of the body,” a reflection of how social expectations can turn inward until the body itself becomes the battlefield.

This is what happens when language becomes a tool of power instead of understanding. It shapes perception, influences policy, and decides who is seen and who is silenced. Whether in politics, healthcare, or history, words can be used to dominate or to liberate.

The lesson I took from this is simple but powerful. Awareness without empathy is cruelty. Knowledge without conscience is empty. The power of language must be used to create safety, not fear, and to connect rather than divide.

KARMA Reflection (Release): Let go of the idea that knowledge alone is enough. True strength comes from compassion. Choose words that unite rather than separate. Healing begins when we release control and replace judgment with curiosity and care.

Lesson 4: Making Meaning: The Four Themes of Dying to Be Heard

The essence of my study revealed four truths about those who live with “anorexia.”

1. Fighting to be heard, the longing for someone to listen without judgment

2. Shame, stigma, and control through language, the harm caused by pathologizing words

3. The creation of the anorexic identity, when illness becomes a person’s only language of safety

4. Validating language and relationships that foster connection and hope, the moments when healing becomes possible through safety and love

These themes reflect not only personal suffering but also what we witness in the world after October 7. When we label entire communities, when we dehumanize others, and when we silence voices, we repeat the same mistakes.

Research on trauma and conflict, including the work of Dr. Stephen Porges and the Polyvagal Theory, helps explain why safety is essential to healing. When people feel unsafe, their nervous system shifts into defense mode. The same is true whether the threat is a war outside or the war within. Healing, both individually and collectively, begins with language that restores safety and connection.

KARMA Reflection (Making Meaning): Ask yourself what meaning you want your words to carry. Are they creating bridges or barriers? We all have the power to make meaning out of pain by speaking truth with kindness and courage.

Lesson 5: Authenticity: Choosing Words That Heal

The final step of The Bespoke KARMA Method™ is Authenticity, the courage to show up as your true self. In therapy, authenticity means being able to say, “I am not okay” and still feel safe. In the world, it means speaking truth even when others choose silence.

October 7 showed us how misinformation and hate can destroy lives. Online, social media became a battlefield where truth was distorted and humanity forgotten. But just as words can spread hate, they can also spread light.

Research from Yale University and UNESCO on social media and misinformation after global conflicts found that false or emotionally charged content spreads faster than facts because it triggers fear and anger. Yet they also found that empathy-based narratives, stories of shared humanity, can slow the spread of hate and rebuild trust.

Every one of us can take part in healing by using authentic, safe, compassionate language, whether talking to a client, a child, a friend, or even a stranger online.

KARMA Reflection (Authenticity): Speak with intention. Ask yourself before you post, text, or respond, “Will this bring light or darkness?” Authentic communication is not about being perfect. It is about being real, loving, and responsible.

The Connection Between “Anorexia” and October 7

Both reveal the same painful pattern that is born from the misuse of power, control, and language, which leads to human suffering. Whether through political systems, patriarchy, or cultural expectations, people who feel unseen and unheard lose their sense of safety and identity.

In my research, those living with “anorexia” were not fighting food. They were fighting to exist in a world that made them feel invisible. Many spoke about the constant pressure to be perfect, to control what could not be controlled, and to find safety through silence. But silence can become a cage that slowly destroys both body and spirit.

In the United States, one person dies every fifty-two minutes as a direct result of an eating disorder, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (2023). These are not deaths caused by vanity or choice. They are deaths caused by pain, shame, and isolation that are fueled by systems of control and misunderstanding that value appearance and obedience more than truth and humanity.

Across the world, the same forces that drive individuals into self-destruction also drive societies toward violence. Hatred and terror, like “anorexia,” are born from disconnection from empathy, from love, and from the right to exist freely. Whether it is a young girl trapped in her body or a community torn apart by propaganda and ideology, the story is the same. When language is used to dominate rather than to understand, people lose their lives.

Healing begins when we reclaim our voices, when we listen again, and when we speak with compassion instead of control gain.

Final Reflection: Words Are Medicine

If October 7 taught us anything, it is that words can start wars or end them. Healing does not begin with a protocol or a treatment. It begins with how we speak to one another. Words are not neutral. They are medicine.

Simple steps for every reader:

1. Pause before speaking. Breathe. Count three seconds before reacting.

2. Validate others. Say, “I hear you,” even when you disagree.

3. Replace judgment with curiosity. Ask, “What happened to you?” instead of “What is wrong with you?”

4. Choose love in language. Compliment, thank, and encourage daily.

5. Model calm energy. Your tone and body language speak louder than words.

As Dr. Hilda Bruch, a Jewish psychiatrist who escaped Nazi Germany and wrote The Golden Cage: The Enigma of Anorexia, once said: “To be able to listen to these patients is perhaps the most important part of treatment. In their way, they are all saying, ‘Help me find myself.’”

Her words reflect the exact opposite of silence and indifference. The golden cage she described is not only about anorexia but also about the illusions we build when we confuse control with safety. Her work reminds us that wisdom and compassion must walk hand in hand and that language can either imprison or liberate.

That is what Dying to Be Heard is truly about. Whether in therapy or in history, we all share the same hunger to be heard, to be safe, and to belong.

Speak Up: Your Voice Matters

My research showed that silence can wound as deeply as words. Many described how the language around their illness became part of their inner world. Words like chronic and resistant shape identity and hope. It is time to change that language together.

If you have experienced “anorexia” or supported someone who has, I invite you to speak up and share your experience. Your words can help change the narrative and give hope to others.

Sign up to share your story and add your voice to a community that is rewriting the language of care, connection, and safety.

With love and hope,

Dr. Limor Weinstein

Founder, The Bespoke KARMA Method™

Bespoke Wellness Partners

Feel free to email or text me with any questions

info@bespokewellnesspartners.com

text to 646-360-0144