SCIENCE OF SELF-LOVE

Intention • Attention • Presence • Self • Kindness • Love

Right before the grand opening of the Center for Self Love at the new Bespoke Wellness Partners location, I’ve been thinking a lot about love.

Not the word we post online.

Not the version we chase.

But the kind of love you can actually feel as safe, steady, and nourishing.

This reflection is also deeply personal. I may be starting a new chapter in my life. I met someone new. I feel myself falling in love. It’s exciting. It’s tender. And it’s different in a way that stopped me in my tracks.

Because for the first time, love doesn’t feel chaotic.

It feels safe.

The Question That Changed Everything

Years ago, a psychologist asked me a question that quietly changed my life.

She didn’t ask who I loved.

She didn’t ask what went wrong in my relationships.

She asked me this:

How do you interpret love?

Something clicked.

She then gently challenged me to go even deeper.

To ask myself how I was loved as a child.

And whether that way of being loved actually felt safe.

It was the first time I realized something important.

What feels familiar does not always mean what feels healthy.

What we learned to call love may have been closeness mixed with anxiety.

Attention mixed with inconsistency.

Connection mixed with fear of loss.

That realization stayed with me.

What Does Love Feel Like in Your Body?

Love is not just an idea.

It lives in the body.

So I began asking myself new questions.

Does love feel calming or activating

Do I feel grounded or on edge

Do I feel I have to earn it

Do I feel safe being fully myself

For much of my life, love felt intense. It felt consuming. It felt familiar. I thought that meant it was real.

I didn’t yet know that safety was missing.

The Four Ingredients of Healthy Love

Over time, both through my own healing and my work with others, I came to understand that healthy love rests on four internal foundations.

Self awareness

Knowing your patterns, triggers, and needs

Self care

Responding to yourself with consistency and compassion

Self esteem

Confidence that can rise and fall with feedback

Self worth

The deeper belief that you matter, no matter what

Self-esteem can change.

Self-worth is steadier.

When these are not aligned, love becomes confusing. We may look confident while feeling empty. We may take care of everyone else while abandoning ourselves.

Self-love is not selfish. It is what allows love to be healthy instead of controlling. Connected instead of consuming.

There is a reason the wisdom says:

Love your neighbor as yourself

ואהבת לרעך כמוך

Loving others begins with learning how to love yourself.

Here is something I understand very differently now.

Falling in love is not the same as love.

Falling in love often comes with intensity. Butterflies. A rush in the body. Your nervous system lights up. That doesn’t make it wrong. It makes it new.

Love is what gets built over time.

Love is steadier.

Love is consistency.

Love is respect, presence, and safety.

Now, at age 50, I am experiencing love in a way that feels unfamiliar in the best possible way.

It feels grounded.

It feels kind.

It feels like my body can breathe.

There is excitement, yes. But there is also calm. There is presence. There is no urgency to perform or prove.

For the first time, I can feel connected without losing myself.

That is what self-love changes.

A Valentine Question for You

So let me ask you this, gently.

Do you believe falling in love at first sight is proof of love?

Or could it sometimes be chemistry, familiarity, or a nervous system reacting to what it knows?

Some signs to pause and reflect:

Possible red flags

Feeling rushed

Losing yourself

Anxiety instead of calm

Confusing intensity with intimacy

Green flags

Feeling more like yourself

Curiosity instead of urgency

Safety in your body

The ability to go slowly

Real love does not pull you away from yourself.

It brings you home.

The Practice of Self-Love

Self-love is not a quote.

It is a practice.

Try this today.

Intention

Why am I here

Attention

What am I focusing on

Presence

Can I return to this moment?

Kindness

Can I speak to myself the way I would to someone I love

Even small moments of kindness change the nervous system.

The Science in Simple Words

Your brain changes based on what you repeat. This is neuroplasticity.

Love also lives in the body.

Oxytocin supports bonding and closeness

Dopamine creates excitement and motivation

Cortisol rises when love feels unsafe and settles when you feel supported

This is why learning to love yourself matters. It changes how your body experiences connection.

For many years, I lived in an internal war. I searched for love and validation outside of myself and kept finding it in ways that felt familiar but painful.

Through my personal healing, my research, and my work with others, I learned this.

Healing is not only about behavior.

It is about safety.

It is about identity.

It is about learning how to be on your own side.

That is the heart of the Science of Self Love and the programs I teach.

If You Want to Go Deeper

This post is part of a Valentine's season series leading up to the grand opening of the Center for Self Love.

The Science of Self Love program helps individuals build safety, confidence, and self-trust so they can love themselves first and love others in healthier ways.

Subscribe to receive future reflections, tools, and program updates.

Love begins within.

And from there, it becomes something you can truly share.

Happy Valentine's!

Love,

Limor