Autism and Anorexia: What We Are Missing. Five Insights About Language, Safety, and Why It Is Not Just About the Food

There is a sentence I hear often.

From teens.

From adults.

From individuals who have spent years trying to understand themselves.

It sounds like this:

“I always felt like something was wrong with me.”

“People told me I was weird.”

“I never fit in.”

Sometimes it is said out loud.

And sometimes it becomes quieter.

An internal voice that repeats:

“I am too much.”

“I am not enough.”

“I do not belong.”

These words do not come from nowhere.

They are shaped over time.

Through relationships.

Through experiences.

Through what is said.

And often, through what is not said.

What I Began to Notice in My Research

In my research studying individuals who have lived with anorexia for more than seven years, I began to notice something.

These internal narratives were not separate from the behaviors.

They were connected to them.

Experiences of:

feeling misunderstood

feeling different

feeling overwhelmed

trying to adapt

And for some individuals, these experiences overlapped with traits commonly associated with autism.

What the Research Is Showing

Research led by Kate Tchanturia, a leading expert with over a hundred peer-reviewed studies in eating disorders, has identified a significant overlap between autism and anorexia.

Studies suggest that approximately 20 to 30 percent of individuals with anorexia may also present with autistic traits.

This is known as comorbidity.

But this is not just about two diagnoses existing together.

It reflects shared ways of experiencing the world.

It Is Not Just About the Food

One of the most important findings, both in research and in practice, is this:

It is not just about the food.

Eating behaviors are often connected to:

sensory sensitivity

need for structure

difficulty expressing emotions

internal overwhelm

repetitive thinking patterns

When we do not understand this, we misunderstand the behavior.

Here Are 5 Insights We Are Missing

1. It Is Often About Safety, Not Control

What looks like control is often an attempt to feel safe.

Routine and repetition create predictability.

Predictability reduces overwhelm.

For someone whose environment feels intense or confusing, this matters.

2. Repetitive and Obsessive Patterns Are Not Random

Many individuals show:

repetitive thoughts

strict routines

rituals

These may look like OCD.

But often, they function as a way to:

reduce anxiety

create structure

feel regulated

The behavior has a purpose.

3. Sensory Experience Shapes Behavior

Food is not just food.

It is:

texture

temperature

smell

taste

For some individuals, eating can feel overwhelming.

Avoidance is not always defiance.

It may be protection.

4. When Words Are Missing, Behavior Speaks

Many individuals struggle to:

identify emotions

express feelings

communicate internal experiences

When words are not available, behavior becomes the language.

Restriction.

Control.

Structure.

These are not just symptoms.

They are communicating.

5. The Nervous System Is at the Center

Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory, one of the primary frameworks that inspired my research.

The nervous system is constantly scanning for safety.

When safe, we connect.

When not, we move into:

fight

flight

shutdown

For individuals with autism, the world can feel more intense and unpredictable.

Which means the nervous system may shift into survival more often.

What we see as behavior is often the body trying to regulate itself.

Where Language Changes Everything

When individuals are described as:

“difficult”

“non compliant”

“resistant”

they begin to internalize those words.

And those words shape identity.

Language can create safety.

Or it can reinforce shame.

And when shame increases, the nervous system moves further away from connection.

A Different Way to Begin

Instead of asking:

What is wrong?

We begin asking:

What is happening?

What is this person experiencing?

What feels overwhelming?

What is the body trying to manage?

A Practical Starting Point

This is where The Bespoke KARMA Method™ begins.

K = Knowledge and Awareness

Before change, there must be understanding.

Simple shifts:

notice the body

slow the breath

reduce overwhelm

use supportive language

focus on safety first

A Final Thought

When we understand the connection between:

autism

anorexia

repetitive patterns

sensory experience

and the nervous system

we stop trying to control behavior.

And we start creating safety.

And that is where real change begins.

Ask Your Question

If you are a teen, parent, or professional navigating questions about autism, anorexia, or mental health, you can write anonymously to The Sunday Compass.

Submit here:

https://www.bespokewellnesspartners.com/about-1-1

“The words we hear become the way we see ourselves.” — Dr. Limor Weinstein

About Dr. Limor Weinstein

Dr. Limor Weinstein is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, relationship and communication expert, and the founder of The Bespoke KARMA Method™. Transactional analysis and polyvagal theory are the foundation of the method, along with practical DBT-based skills and the science of self-love. Dr. Weinstein’s long research with individuals with (long term "anorexia nervosa") investigates how language and communication, including what is spoken and what remains unspoken, can contribute to a lack of psychological safety in relationships and influence how individuals experience the illness.

If you are ready to strengthen your communication, set clear boundaries without escalating, and build healthier relationships, you can join one of Dr. Weinstein’s relationship and communication groups. These groups are designed to help you practice these skills in real time in a supportive, guided setting.

Click here to learn more about upcoming groups and reserve your spot:

Accepted insurance plans: United HealthCare, Aetna, and David Shield.

Thank you for reading!

Your words. your power.

Love

Limor